It's my birthday!!!!

And I'll cry if I want to.....but they will be tears of joy! I'm excited about the launch of my new website. It was a birthday present to myself. I've always been a dreamer. It's the one thing that's remained constant in my life. I'm thankful for that. I hope you enjoy it. #spreadlove

Got myself a food coach....

What's a food coach you ask? Something I made up. However it seems so appropriate. Anytime you want assistance with training in a particular area, you have a coach. Sports, life, fitness......so why not food? Food is a touchy subject with me. Since I've been on this weight loss journey I've gone from one extreme to the other. Eating too much, to not eating enough. Or at least so they tell me. It stresses me the hell out to be honest with you. 9 times out of 10  I'm not hungry anyway. I've said it before....if I could just have an IV with the nutrition I need, I would be completely happy. But this isn't a movie and I don't have a Dr on my payroll....yet. LOL. I posted on Facebook last week about my lack of desire for food although I know I need it to continue my journey, actually I guess it's more important than that; I need it to live. I've learned to eat to live. I try to not overindulge and honestly my diet is clean and consists of pretty much fruits, nuts, veggies and fish. That's it. No processed foods, no packaged foods, no fast food. My cheat is normally a cupcake. Enter Jasiatic. She posted on my page three little words. "I can help." Those are three of my favorite words. Right under "I love you". There is so much power in both those statements. Anyway, I received a text from her the following day to arrange a meeting. We have been friends for years so a "meeting" for us could really end up meaning anything! We agreed to meet today. I arrived not knowing what to expect. She and I have discussed food in the past, she's made meals for me and I attend a monthly dinner party that she hosts called Satisfy. Her meals are always delicious and vegan. I'm almost always surprised by a dish that taste so good I have to ask....this is vegan? What did you use? Then she rambles off a list of stuff most of which I've never heard of. So our dialogue begins. She explains that she has started a new venture and she would love for me to be her first client. She will do an assessment, discuss my needs and then come up with a game plan for execution which includes trips to various grocery stores and meal plans. Bingo! This is perfect. She whips out her handy dandy notebook and starts taking notes. What foods do I like? What foods do I dislike? What are my food goals? What are my fitness goals? What are my fitness routines? How often do I eat out? What do I eat? And on and on. I think I even learned some things about myself during the process. It was great. It required me to be detailed and I had to promise to keep a food diary. She then told me she would look over the notes, we would arrange a follow up meeting and go from there. Her main goal is to make sure I reach the goals I've set for myself and mainly "to make sure I develop a healthy relationship with food." That statement alone is what excited me the most. Realizing that we do in fact have a relationship with food. A very necessary relationship and if its not nurtured properly it can become a toxic relationship. So, needless to say I'm very excited about this relationship and what's to come. I'll keep you posted. Sound like something you're interested in? Feel free to get you some: Jasiatic@gmail.com 

Please don't call me skinny...

I have an artist friend named Chad. He's very talented. We have some of his work in our salon. He's an artist and a photographer. Chad does a nude series and asked me if I would model for him a while back. I said sure, why not. I've done artistic nudes before with my photographer friend Moyeh and partial nudes with my other photographer friend Naya'Hri. I always like to see their artistic approach and the outcome. It gives me a new outlook on my body as well. Chad sent me a message the other day to set up the date for our shoot....but I told him I changed my mind and I didn't want to do it. He said "why not?" I have to admit my response to him was surprising to both he and I. My answer: "I'm no longer comfortable in my body." The truth is....I've been big most of my entire life. I know what that's like. I know how it feels, I know how it looks....it's familiar. My new body is not. Don't get me wrong....I like it but I'm unsure of it. I am having to learn how to stand differently, how to walk differently, how to become comfortable with the fact that this body is in fact mine. I've carried weight around for so long that simple things for most have an impact on my everyday life. Changing the position of the seat in my truck because my body is smaller. Adjusting how close I stand to clients while doing their hair....I used to be able to twirl the chair with the bump of my hip....I can't do that anymore. When people call me "skinny" it makes me feel some kinda strange way. It just doesn't compute. Yeah my clothes sizes are going down but when I look at the labels...it still doesn't compute. Me and anything a size small is just crazy to me. No one ever really talks about the struggle of this side of weight loss. People talk often about the flip side...the struggle of gaining a lot of weight and feeling bad about it and the task of getting that weight off. But let's talk about the embarrassment of going to a gym and feeling bad because your body is the polar opposite of 90% of the people working out and them looking at you like you shouldn't be there. The embarrassment of meeting with a personal trainer and hoping they won't call you fat during a work out session because they think it's going to push you but instead it makes you never want to come back. (This has never happened to me but I've heard stories) The struggle of emotional eating. You know you shouldn't eat it but the pain accompanied by the fact that it is the one thing you can control in your life.....the food makes you feel good....at least at that moment. It's a vicious cycle. A downward spiral. I know it all too well. So this time the struggle is the opposite....I've created a long list of things I don't eat for fear that I'll downward spiral all over again. But the truth is....I love cupcakes, pizza and tequila and plan to eventually introduce them back into my diet. I don't want my weight loss to control my life. You see me and you say I'm skinny but you don't know I'm super self conscious about my stomach or my thighs. You don't know I get anxiety about seeing my trainer. You don't know I'm sometimes a hermit because I might go out and eat crazy. Yes, you should allow yourself cheat days but if you keep cheating over and over again, it's not cheating....it becomes a lifestyle then you're fat all over again.  I'm just working on a happy medium. I'll get there....and I'll do this photo shoot....Eventually. :) Thanks for taking time to read my blog. Can you relate? Drop me a message. We can also connect on FB- Tinesha Matthews or on IG and Twitter @roc_star. Happy Memorial Day! Photo credit...top 2 pics: P3 Images bottom 2 pics: Moyeh Moye with makeup by Joy Randall. 

Day 1 of #great48

Yesterday was Cinco De Mayo. I celebrated by having pizza for lunch then headed to a vegan dinner party for more festivities. After coming off my juice fast a couple of weeks ago I was down to 193 lbs. First time being under 200 since I've been an adult. Well after a week of eating crap....by the time I weighed in with the trainer today I was at 201. :/ So counterproductive I know but I had to get it out of my system before this challenge started. Now as usual, I'm focused, I have a game plan and I'm ready. I'm excited about everyone that's decided to join the challenge with me as well. As I mentioned in my post yesterday, I'm doing juices and raw foods only. I plan to juice M-F and eat raw foods on Sat and Sun. If that doesn't work for me, I'll juice for the first 4 meals of the day and do raw food for the last meal. For most people getting the eating under control is the hard part....not for me. I'm the opposite. I can get my eating on point but the work out is hard for me. I always feel like I'm going to die!!! LOL. I realize it will slowly come together for me. I started with a new trainer today named Era. I was scared as hell. I haven't worked out in 13 weeks due to complications from a hysterectomy. I wasn't sure how my body would react. I learned quickly. I threw up in the middle of the session. LMAO! But I came right back and got to it. But after a few more minutes I felt like I was going to pass out. He kept telling me he was CPR certified but I think he could tell I was at my max. A small part of me was disappointed that I had to quit but I'm also smart enough to see the bigger picture. I'll get there. One day at a time. Thanks for coming along for the ride. If I can inspire just one person to create a lifestyle change, I've done what I set out to do. Happy Monday!
You can follow my progress on twitter or Instagram @roc_star or on FB: Tinesha Matthews

#Great48

Two young ladies on Instagram started a 48 day weight loss challenge contest. You have to post pics of yourself along with your starting weight and then post pics of your workout regimen and the food you eat during the challenge and tag them with the hash tag #great48. At the end of the challenge they will pick two winners. I'm not really concerned about winning the contest. I'm more concerned with the challenge itself and the camaraderie of the other participants who are bearing it all on Instagram. For some of us, it's the first time showing our bodies and it took a lot for me to decide to do so. I was influenced mostly by my bestie, Jessica who did the challenge before. She decided to do it again and I decided to join her. Luckily I have a great support system in real life and via Instagram and Facebook. The pictures are posted so I can't take them back now. LOL! My goal plan...nothing but juicing and raw foods for the next 48 days. I have a personal trainer, a yoga instructor and a pole fitness instructor. I'm going in! I am determined to take myself to the next level. You can follow my journey on Instagram or twitter: @roc_star. Happy Cinco De Mayo!

Gucci, Gucci, Fendi, Prada...

When your life is in order, everything has a new outlook. You should be mentally, physically and financially well to reach your success goals. My mental and physical bodies have gone through major overhauls which has forced me look at the one area I've neglected over the years....finances. I've been financially irresponsible since college. I've been working since I was a teenager. I started out babysitting and by the time I was 15 I had my first real job at Peeble's at Tryon Mall. (Native Charlotteans stand up!) I enjoyed working and throughout my work life I've been known to have up to 3.5 jobs at one time. 3.5 because I actually had 4 but realized that was just plain ridiculous! I've always worked not with the mindset of saving but with the mindset of just having enough to buy what I wanted or go where I wanted. By the time I left college my credit was ruined. I was bamboozled into the "it's only $10 a month for your bill." Me and mom never really discussed finances or credit prior to that so I didn't understand the impact it would have on me later in life....and I never understood, until now. My mother over the years struggled as well and I'm not quite sure when it finally clicked for her but having 2 kids I'm sure it didn't take her as long as me. LOL. Up until 3 years ago, I was a LABEL WHORE! Yeah, I said it. I craved Gucci, Fendi, Tiffany, Louis Vuitton, Bvlgari.....and it was almost like getting a fix. I even put a Gucci bag on layaway one time. (I know what you're thinking....GUCCI? layaway? Where??) Well, when you live outside your means you'll find ways to feed your addiction. There was a store in Southpark Mall called Bob Ellis.....I found out from a friend who also apparently couldn't afford it, that the store offered layaway. It felt good to be seen with that new new until about 2 months after it wasn't new new anymore and then the addiction continues.... So I worked hard not for my 401K, not for life insurance but to make the legacies of Gucci, Fendi and Prada live on. Now at 41, what's my legacy? Bad credit, no 401K and the fear that my mom will be financially responsible for me if anything happens to me. Well, not on my watch!! I've lost over 100 lbs in the past year and a half and I'm a depression survivor....surely I can get my life when it comes to the "almighty dollar." But I know I need help. I got therapy when I was depressed, I got a trainer to help me lose weight so I've enlisted a financial coach to get me financially fit. Marsha Barnes is in the process of developing a non profit financial literacy program. She's the first person that EVER made me take a realistic look at finances. My mama tried, God know she did but I guess I wasn't ready. But now I am and I asked Marsha to help me. (YES....I ASKED FOR HELP!) This means I have to be open and honest, not just with her, but with myself. So, for the first time ever I'm keeping track of every single cent I spend for an entire month. It's been enlightening already and it's only day 3. I'm thankful for what's about to happen! Here's the bright side to the fact that I won't be able to purchase any more labels....they are timeless. So when you see me rockin' my Gucci, Tiffany and Louis Vuitton....it's my old stuff and a reminder that all that glitters is not gold. Unless its actually gold bars....in a vault. ;) What will you do today to change your life?
You can reach me on Facebook or Google +: Tinesha Matthews
Instagram and twitter: @roc_star

Juicing? Ain't nobody got time fa dat.

I decided to do another 7 day juice fast as I really enjoyed the first one. This time more people have decided to participate but just like me, they are new to juicing. So, one of my FB friends, Tiesha Torrence suggested I make a video of me during the juicing process so people could see what it's like. I obliged. I've received great feedback so far so I've decided to continue doing videos and sharing information I learn on my journey. :) Here's the outcome. Juicing for beginners  Subscribe to my YouTube channel to keep up with my progress. You can also find me on Facebook: Tinesha Matthews and on Instragram and Twitter: @roc_star. Have a fabulous day!

Juicing for beginners

Friends....how many of us have them?

In my opinion friendship is one of the most important relationships you can have because it's your opportunity to pick who you want to be in your family. About 12 years ago that's exactly what happened for me. I met a beautiful girl named Kelley that was 10 years younger than me and decided to make her my sister. She was very mature for her age and we had a lot in common. Our love for fashion and our love for partying. Our fashion sense....we still maintain. Our party girl status, not so much. HA! We have shared so many adventures together it could fill the pages of a novel but here's the cliff's notes version. I decided to become a natural hairstylist and open a salon. I begged her to let me train her so she could work for me. She said no. She wanted to travel the world. She became a flight attendant. The airline closed down. She took me up on my offer and became my shampoo assistant. I trained her so she became a stylist. I decided to leave my first salon. She and I decided to open a salon together. We have laughed, we have cried and we have traveled. We've spent more time laughing and traveling. But the most important journey we have shared is our weight loss journey. I don't know when that began but we have always been supportive of each other in it. If I decide to do a crazy food challenge she's the first one to agree to do it with me. She convinced me to go to my first trainer. We work out when we're on vacation. We became vegetarians and vegans together (We teeter between the two.) We support each other and give each other loving words of encouragement. And that's what's most important. Having someone who genuinely has your best interest at heart. We have NEVER had an argument. She's all about happiness and I'm all about love. Friendships, like families are never perfect but this one has managed to come pretty close. If I'm tripping she checks me and vice versa. Then to add icing to the cake or cupcake because everyone knows I LOVE CUPCAKES (I digress), we met Jessica. She has made us a trifecta that equals the likes of Charlie's Angels and Destiny's child all rolled into one. I love these ladies with all that I have and all that I am. They are the epitome of what true friendship should consist of. The picture I've attached to this blog is of Kelley and I 10 years ago vs today. A lot has changed but our friendship has remained the same. In the words of Drake "forget your fake friends, where your real friends at?" (OK, he really says a curse word but you get the point. LOL) I'm blessed beyond measure. I hope everyone has the joy of true friendship. Enjoyed my blog? You can also follow me on IG or Twitter: @roc_star and like my FB fan page. Happy Easter, egg hunting or whatever it is you do. :)

How I lost 8 lbs in one week without exercising...

Well, 7 days later and my juice fast is over. The experience was great. I'm glad I did it. Did I get hungry at times? YES. What made me not give in? The awesomely amazing people that agreed to do the fast with me. Accountability is what keeps me focused. What does it for you? I learned a lot about my body during this fast. It just felt different. My stomach feels flatter. No upset stomach and I had more frequent trips to the bathroom. It just seems like it started functioning as a well oiled machine in just one week. I even lost 8 lbs in one week. As I stated in my previous blog, I don't usually weigh myself but I did for this challenge. I did have a headache the first 2 days, developed acne, had a runny nose and a small case of eczema on my hand which I thought was weird but upon research found that its actually normal. The body releases toxins first through the skin so you sometimes have breakouts, rashes, psoriasis and eczema during the detox period. And the body expels mucus as a way of detoxing also hence the runny nose. I can't lie, I was scared to eat my first meal. It felt strange to chew after 7 days. I opted for a soup and salad. I probably should have just had the soup. I got full quickly and felt a little nauseated. Your body has to readjust to eating again. I really enjoyed this experience so much that I'm going to continue to juice 1 to 2 meals a day. Next time I'll challenge myself to 14 days. If you're a beginner that loves food but wants to juice, I suggest you start out with a 3 day fast if you want to detox. I made up most of my recipes but there are SO many options online since everyone is jumping on the juicing bandwagon. I started out with a juicer but my juicer broke the second day of my fast so I blended most of my meals with a ninja that my mom gave me years ago. There is a difference between juicing and blending. Blended products have more texture. It's about preference. I also drank protein and superfood shakes that I mixed with almond milk. I did NOT do any weight loss shakes, shots or magic pills. I'm a healthy eater and a vegan (because YES there are unhealthy fat vegans...just to let you know, Oreos are vegan). What do I eat? Fruits and veggies....but that's a whole different blog. I hope this helps! Have an amazing day!!
OHHHHH....You can see some of my recipes on my IG account. @roc_star

Fat Girl

I really wanted to wait until I reached my target goal weight to post this blog but considering I have no idea what that is....I'm posting it now. I used to be a fat girl. When some people see me now it's hard for them to believe and they even gasp when I show them the pictures. It's interesting to me. People keep asking "how much weight do you want to lose...how small are you going to get...do you eat?" I don't have an answer. When I started this journey I only had one goal in mind: God, make my outside look like my inside. So, when that occurs, I'll be done. This blog isn't about weight loss or how I did it. This blog is about the side of weight loss no one talks about. The psychological side. When I was a big girl, I was CUTE! I used to dress my ass off and I didn't care about being skinny, I was reppin' for the big girls! I was in perfect health and overall I felt good. I would sometimes get discouraged when I went shopping because they didn't make enough fly clothes in my size and I would get mad at the retailers. I felt like if I was happy where I was, they should accommodate me. I had ballooned to a size 24/26 and I was still mad at them....not me. Eventually I somehow dropped down to a 14/16 and stayed there for a good 2 years. I still was emotional eating and just "living my life". Then one day something happened. I just felt this strong desire to be the best me ever. I felt like I was dishonoring God by not taking care of my body. I was approaching 40 and I didn't want to go into another decade carrying any emotional baggage or making excuses for my life. So I decided it was time to make some changes. But as I stated earlier my prayer wasn't to lose weight....my prayer was for my outside to reflect my inside. I knew I was a great person but I wasn't treating myself like it. I treated my friends better than myself. I talked trash to myself because I couldn't stopped eating snicker bars and Reese cups. So one day I decided to STOP that crazy talk! I agreed to only talk good to Tinesha. To only give her positive reinforcement and to question any bad decisions she may have been making. And THAT'S when everything changed. I started making better eating choices. I started giving up things that were bad for me even though I loved them (like alcohol....I still can't believe I gave that up) and that's not to say I won't have a drink every now and then but I was doing way too much on the drinking tip. I replaced desserts with cocktails. (But that's a different blog! LOL) I don't have cheat days because I don't feel like its cheating. If I want a candy bar, I'll have a talk with myself. If I know I won't feel guilty about it after I'll tear that thing up and not think anything else about it. Weight loss is mental. I hardly ever weigh myself because for me, it's self defeating. And I don't count calories because that's stresses me out. I treat myself with kindness and respect like I would my best friends. And that has made all the difference. The outcome? I don't really care that I'm almost a size 10 because it still seems unreal to me. I still sometimes go to the plus size section at the store. I still pick up clothes and go in the dressing room and they are falling off me. I still look in the mirror and don't see what everyone else sees. But I'm ok with that. You know why? Because these are the things that really make me happy: I can cross my legs, I can bend over and tie my shoe without almost passing out, I can stand up and put on my tights, I can sit on my man's lap, I can look down and see my toes, I can sit on the countertop in my kitchen and I can fit comfortably into the seats on the airplane. Skinny girls have never experienced the humiliation of anything I mentioned above. I feel you big girls. I swear. I will do everything I can to help every big girl I know on this journey. You can do this. You are strong, you are worthy and you deserve it! You can reach me on IG or twitter: @roc_star or like my fan page on FB: Tinesha Matthews
I will also be launching my website soon: tineshamatthews.com

#7dayspringclean

It's the first day of Spring! What does that mean? Things are changing as am I. I decided to do a 7 day juice fast to start off Spring on a new note. Since I'm still recovering from my surgery and can't workout yet I have to be diligent in my eating habits to keep this weight off. I've recently converted to veganism but I miss fish so I'm not sure how long this will be a part of my lifestyle. :) I am excited about this fast because it will require some of the most discipline out of any of the other fast I've ever done and requires much more preparation. But I'm looking forward to the journey and to those that are joining me. I'll be posting pics on Instagram of the smoothies and juices I will be enjoying. My IG name is roc_star. Let's do this!!! :)

Time is greater than money.

I'm working on my website so I'm trying to come up with interesting and innovative ideas to keep my viewers engaged. I decided to do some interview style videos so that people who don't know me and visit my site can get some insight about who I am and my message of Spread Love. I enlisted the help of my cousin, Freedom to shoot the video. I've actually been begging him for a year to do my documentary but he felt it would be a little overwhelming so I thought this would be a good way to get him to see it won't be that hard. (Like I know anything about videography and editing. lol) I asked my bestie, Kelley to come up with some random questions to ask me on camera so that I could have authentic reactions on film. She was supposed to interview me on camera but due to scheduling conflicts (yeah, she's a big deal) she wasn't able to do it. So I asked my brother, Christopher and he obliged. She emailed him the secret questions she came up with and it was a go. Let me just tell you.....this little project was AMAZING....hence this blog about it. My brother is an awesome interviewer. He not only asked the questions she prepared but he did his own follow up questions for my answers. I felt like we were not only creating magic, but bonding. He and my cousin were getting to know me on a deeper level and in the process I was learning about myself as well. Freedom and Christopher also bonded over lighting ideas, compared their cameras and discussed audio feeds so I learned a little about those things as well. One of the questions was time or money? My answer was definitely time because with more time doing what you love, the money will come. And this project was proof of just that. This time that we spent together as a family was invaluable. It's a memory that will last in all 3 of our minds forever....not to mention if we get together and do this full length documentary as planned....somebody is going to give us some money! :) So, here's the lesson, time is free. If you have nothing else to give, give time. Time creates memories and memories last forever. 

#100thingsthatmakemehappy

One of my best friends, Kelley has a blog.  Her latest post inspired me to write my latest post. I was surprised because since she's so filled with happiness, I thought this would be an easy assignment for her. She said it was a struggle and challenged us to do it on our own. The first 50 were easy. I got those without a pause. Then 50 to 85 required more thought. 85 to 100 required me to close my eyes and just be in the moment, then they came to life. And I think that's the fun part. The true meaning of life. Just enjoying things as they come. Learning that you don't have to make a mountain out of a molehill. Learn to adjust and keep it moving. It makes life so much easier.....and so much happier. What makes you happy? Here's my list:

1. My Mom
2. Long naps 
3. Stamps on my passport 
4. Text messages from my man 
5. Sunshine on my face 
6. Music 
7. Getting dressed up 
8. Classic black and white movies
9. Romantic comedies
10. Cupcakes
11. My 4 year old niece's animated personality 
12. The crack in my 13 year old nephew's voice letting me know he's getting older 
13. Anytime my bank account is over 3 digits 
14. Deep breaths 
15. Getting great ideas 
16. Laughing till I cry 
17. Fast cars 
18. Getting my nails done 
19. Unexpected mail 
20. My clients 
21. Random strangers striking up conversations 
22. When someone says "thank you" 
23. My favorite book 
24. Dancing to my favorite song 
25. Sunsets on the beach 
26. Laying by the pool all day 
27. Inspiring others 
28. Losing weight 
29. The smell of Egyptian Musk 
30. Candles 
31. Having someone drive me around 
32. First class upgrades 
33. Bond No. 9 Nuits De Noho 
34. Sushi 
35. Green lights 
36. Kissing with my eyes closed 
37. Hugs  
38. Clutter free environments 
39. Mike Dickerson's photography 
40. Photo booths 
41. Full moons
42. My toes in the sand 
43. Baby oil fresh out of the shower 
44. High thread count sheets 
45. Beautiful smiles 
46. Live music 
47. Love 
48. Long hot showers 
49. Brooklyn, NY 
50. Painting 
51. Writing my blog 
52. Helping others find their truth 
53. Getting a haircut 
54. Cowboy boots 
55. The sound of waves 
56. Working out 
57. Holding hands 
58. A roof over my head 
59. Support from family and friends 
60. Watching Breakfast at Tiffany's 
61. Sunglasses
62. Sitting on my balcony 
63. Watching airplanes take off 
64. Reading old greeting cards 
65. Lipgloss 
66. Scarves
67. The sound of the train 
68. Art galleries 
69. Sleeping naked 
70. Raindrops against my window 
71. Window shopping at Tiffany's in Times Square 
72. Papaya Sushi in Beaufort, SC 
73. Road trips 
74. Tumi luggage 
75.  Chocolate covered bananas from Edible Arrangements 
76. My mama's salmon patties 
77. Yachts 
78. Things that sparkle....diamonds! 
79. Words with Friends 
80. Adventures with Kelley and Jessica 
81. Long phone calls with my man 
82. Conversations between me, my mom and my nephew 
83. Unexpected phone calls from someone thinking of me 
84. Running into old friends 
85. Visitors 
86. My birthday 
87. Sundresses 
88. Kids laughing hysterically 
89. Family at holidays 
90. True love 
91. The Black Album Jay Z 
92. Simplicity 
93. North Hills in Raleigh, NC 
94. Downtown Durham 
95. Riding with my Jeep doors off 
96. My purse collection 
97. Vintage clothes 
98. Surprises 
99. Sautéed spinach
100. You for reading this....Have an awesome day!

Recovery....

Sucks! OK, not really!!! I knew that after this surgery I would need some serious recovery time. I told everyone that asked (because they just knew that I would overdo it) that I planned to stay in bed for the first week to guarantee a quick recovery. Well, words are powerful. I was in fact in bed but not by choice. I developed two infections a few days after my surgery that forced me to stay pretty much bed ridden. I am so thankful that I had my mother to take care of me during this whole ordeal. We have spent a lot of time bonding. When I had to make an impromptu trip to the doctor because I wasn't getting better but in fact worse, that's when he advised me of the infections. I explained to him that I had heard grandiose stories of women getting better in 2-3 days. He taught me a lesson that I already knew. EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT. The procedure I received normally takes 1.5 hours, mine took 5.5 hours so my body went through a lot and then to add 2 infections on top of that, he thought I was faring pretty well. I told him I just wanted to not feel dizzy so I could get some mental clarity. I think that's what drove me the most crazy. Feeling like a zombie. LOL. He said it would come. He was right. I had enough mental clarity today to write this blog. :) So here's today's lesson, just like in life....we are all different. Something that takes one person a day to complete may take you a week. It doesn't make you any less capable. I think in our society we spend too much time making comparisons to our friends and family. It makes us feel inadequate because we are using an unfair judging system. Finish school, go to college, get a career, get married....have a baby or two. They are all imposed and on timetables at that. So you start looking around because you may have skipped a few of the steps and now you feel totally off track. Don't! Create your own plan, play by your own rules and find your own happiness. Everyone is different but one thing is the same. We all deserve to be happy. In the words of my bestie, Kelley, The Happiness Guru: "What will you do today to find your happiness?"

Whose crazy idea was this?!?!?!?!

I often get these radical ideas. Ideas that end up being great ideas. I'm having a hysterectomy on 1/23 so I came up with this bright idea. I'll only eat fruits and veggies up until the day of my surgery to prepare my body for the transition and for the healing process. I've been a vegetarian for a couple of years now and even became a hard core vegan several months ago for a while but this....was a whole new level. I'm very disciplined but after 3 days I thought.....what have I gotten myself into?? I guess I could have easily given up but I made a huge announcement on Facebook and some people had even agreed to join me in support. There was no way I could let them down. Accountability kicked in and I knew I was in for the long haul. I did however decide 10 days in that instead of 23 days I was going to do 15 days because my boyfriend's birthday is this weekend and I wanted to be able to celebrate with him. I actually surpassed that 15 day mark and until today, 1/17, I've been eating beyond clean. Fruits and veggies only means I had to prepare most of my meals ahead of time and when I didn't, I mostly ate salads and fresh fruit allowing myself one cheat....popcorn. Because technically it's a veggie, right? HA! I felt great the entire time and even increased my workouts. I was glad when it was over however because I missed "regular" food. Mostly fish....and cupcakes! (My favorite treat) I decided I would have those two things as soon as the fast was over. I chose to eat blackened fish at 3pm....not such a good idea. Within minutes I had a stomach ache. My bestie, Jessica suggested I should have eased my way in. I agreed, bad idea. But I figured it was too late so later I decided to eat my much deserved cupcake....even worse idea. I'm writing this blog at 4am because I'm up with yet another stomach ache. This made me realize that even though I felt I was depriving myself, I was in fact, doing myself a favor. Not only did I lose about 10 lbs but my body felt much better when I was eating better. I don't know if I'll stay on such a strict regimen but I'll definitely be giving up sugar again and whatever else is in cupcakes because they are the debil! *in my Waterboy voice* :) The key to making changes in life is to try. If you don't like it, you can always go back to your old ways, or in this case, you can discover that the new way is WAY better. #spreadlove