Friday, November 30, 2012
Monday, November 12, 2012
So this latest blog is about my messiness. In my own defense, unintentional messiness but messiness just the same. If you have been following my blog, you know that I'm recently in a relationship which has been going quite well....kinda, sorta. Don't get me wrong, he's great. He says the right things, does the right things and even makes me smile but I guess I need more than great. I need to be INSPIRED and he just could never get me to a place where I felt that way. I have always felt like the kind of fleeting love you see on tv can exist in real life and this just wasn't like that. I never posted pics of him and I love posting pics. People would ask me why and I would just shrug it off. They made jokes about him being make believe but I introduced him personally to anyone that asked. Maybe it was my subconscious mind? Along the journey my intuition kept whispering...something isn't quite right. But I could never figure out what it was. Until one day, it screamed! Like a scene in a corny romantic comedy I was taking a shower and I realized I actually was in love with someone else! This man and I have been platonic friends for years. He is always there for me, supports me in everything I do, inspires me to be the best me I can and makes me smile every time I see him, although I had never been physically attracted to him prior to that day...or at least so I thought. Something just happened inside of me. Then an immediate influx of questions. "Would he be surprised I had these feelings? What if he has a girlfriend? Would he feel the same? What if he doesn't feel the same? Am I crazy? Will this work? What about my boyfriend?" And on and on. I went to work and told my girls and they were shockingly.........elated. They said they had always wanted us to be together but since I said I wasn't physically attracted to him they let it slide. Crazy friends for a crazy girl!! They helped me come up with a game plan that involved me telling him face to face. He doesn't live locally so I drove up to meet him for lunch. The entire lunch is really a blur. It was sushi, that I remember but between all the small talk and me trying to get up the courage to tell him and wanting to back out but knowing I had to go back home and face these two chicks I call my best friends, I was pretty scatterbrained. So after he paid the check I had to get the lump out of my throat and spit it out. I said something like "What I'm about to say to you has nothing to do with anything we've discussed over lunch and I know I waited until the last minute of lunch to talk to you about this but, would you ever consider dating me?" His reaction.......... "WHAT?" Then everything in my brain just got discombobulated !!! We talked as he walked me to my truck (because I mean....I did wait until the last minute and he had to get back to work). He told me that he has had feelings for me as well but that we would need to discuss it further after he processed everything. I was relieved because I mean honestly, who wants rejection? On the drive home I was a little excited but then I thought "NO....you cannot enter into a relationship when you are already in one FOOL." So I had some things to figure out. I'll save that for a later blog. I thought several times about not posting this. First because it was kind of embarrassing and second, because as much as I share of myself, the other people in my life shouldn't have to be subjected to having their lives shared if they don't want to. But I'm posting it anyway because as embarrassing as it is to share, I'm sure I'm not the first or last person to have this experience. I will leave out people's names however to protect the innocent. ;) Feel free to share your thoughts. #spreadlove
Thursday, November 1, 2012
I used to be a person that hated to make mistakes. I felt like if I made one it was a way of people finding out I had flaws. And at some point in our lives we all have a fantasy of being perfect. I don't think it was until I reached 40 that I realized that that "fantasy" was just that.....a fantasy. I learned that making mistakes is not only inevitable but it's also absolutely fabulous! Why? Because making mistakes is a learning opportunity. When I was in barber school my instructor would say to us all the time...."Now is the time to make your mistakes while I'm here to help you." I think this should actually be a life motto. With a strong belief in God, I know it's ok to make mistakes and he is here to help. It's definitely ok to strive for perfection as a goal but I think true growth is knowing that you possibly may not reach it and that's ok. Once I began to acknowledge that and live my life accordingly things have opened up in so many ways. It's allowed me to become more secure in my insecurities and its allowed me to be ok with the fact that there are things I'm just not good at. So the next time you make a mistake don't beat yourself up about it. Instead ask yourself...."what can I learn from this mistake?"