Recovery....

Sucks! OK, not really!!! I knew that after this surgery I would need some serious recovery time. I told everyone that asked (because they just knew that I would overdo it) that I planned to stay in bed for the first week to guarantee a quick recovery. Well, words are powerful. I was in fact in bed but not by choice. I developed two infections a few days after my surgery that forced me to stay pretty much bed ridden. I am so thankful that I had my mother to take care of me during this whole ordeal. We have spent a lot of time bonding. When I had to make an impromptu trip to the doctor because I wasn't getting better but in fact worse, that's when he advised me of the infections. I explained to him that I had heard grandiose stories of women getting better in 2-3 days. He taught me a lesson that I already knew. EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT. The procedure I received normally takes 1.5 hours, mine took 5.5 hours so my body went through a lot and then to add 2 infections on top of that, he thought I was faring pretty well. I told him I just wanted to not feel dizzy so I could get some mental clarity. I think that's what drove me the most crazy. Feeling like a zombie. LOL. He said it would come. He was right. I had enough mental clarity today to write this blog. :) So here's today's lesson, just like in life....we are all different. Something that takes one person a day to complete may take you a week. It doesn't make you any less capable. I think in our society we spend too much time making comparisons to our friends and family. It makes us feel inadequate because we are using an unfair judging system. Finish school, go to college, get a career, get married....have a baby or two. They are all imposed and on timetables at that. So you start looking around because you may have skipped a few of the steps and now you feel totally off track. Don't! Create your own plan, play by your own rules and find your own happiness. Everyone is different but one thing is the same. We all deserve to be happy. In the words of my bestie, Kelley, The Happiness Guru: "What will you do today to find your happiness?"

Whose crazy idea was this?!?!?!?!

I often get these radical ideas. Ideas that end up being great ideas. I'm having a hysterectomy on 1/23 so I came up with this bright idea. I'll only eat fruits and veggies up until the day of my surgery to prepare my body for the transition and for the healing process. I've been a vegetarian for a couple of years now and even became a hard core vegan several months ago for a while but this....was a whole new level. I'm very disciplined but after 3 days I thought.....what have I gotten myself into?? I guess I could have easily given up but I made a huge announcement on Facebook and some people had even agreed to join me in support. There was no way I could let them down. Accountability kicked in and I knew I was in for the long haul. I did however decide 10 days in that instead of 23 days I was going to do 15 days because my boyfriend's birthday is this weekend and I wanted to be able to celebrate with him. I actually surpassed that 15 day mark and until today, 1/17, I've been eating beyond clean. Fruits and veggies only means I had to prepare most of my meals ahead of time and when I didn't, I mostly ate salads and fresh fruit allowing myself one cheat....popcorn. Because technically it's a veggie, right? HA! I felt great the entire time and even increased my workouts. I was glad when it was over however because I missed "regular" food. Mostly fish....and cupcakes! (My favorite treat) I decided I would have those two things as soon as the fast was over. I chose to eat blackened fish at 3pm....not such a good idea. Within minutes I had a stomach ache. My bestie, Jessica suggested I should have eased my way in. I agreed, bad idea. But I figured it was too late so later I decided to eat my much deserved cupcake....even worse idea. I'm writing this blog at 4am because I'm up with yet another stomach ache. This made me realize that even though I felt I was depriving myself, I was in fact, doing myself a favor. Not only did I lose about 10 lbs but my body felt much better when I was eating better. I don't know if I'll stay on such a strict regimen but I'll definitely be giving up sugar again and whatever else is in cupcakes because they are the debil! *in my Waterboy voice* :) The key to making changes in life is to try. If you don't like it, you can always go back to your old ways, or in this case, you can discover that the new way is WAY better. #spreadlove

Happy Friday!

I know....I know; you want the sequel to the last blog post but, it's just not time. A lot has transpired but there's also lots of transitioning so once everything is in place, I promise I will give you all the juicy details. :) Have an amazing day!

Is it possible to love two people?

So this latest blog is about my messiness. In my own defense, unintentional messiness but messiness just the same. If you have been following my blog, you know that I'm recently in a relationship which has been going quite well....kinda, sorta. Don't get me wrong, he's great. He says the right things, does the right things and even makes me smile but I guess I need more than great. I need to be INSPIRED and he just could never get me to a place where I felt that way. I have always felt like the kind of fleeting love you see on tv can exist in real life and this just wasn't like that. I never posted pics of him and I love posting pics. People would ask me why and I would just shrug it off. They made jokes about him being make believe but I introduced him personally to anyone that asked. Maybe it was my subconscious mind? Along the journey my intuition kept whispering...something isn't quite right. But I could never figure out what it was. Until one day, it screamed! Like a scene in a corny romantic comedy I was taking a shower and I realized I actually was in love with someone else! This man and I have been platonic friends for years. He is always there for me, supports me in everything I do, inspires me to be the best me I can and makes me smile every time I see him, although I had never been physically attracted to him prior to that day...or at least so I thought. Something just happened inside of me. Then an immediate influx of questions. "Would he be surprised I had these feelings? What if he has a girlfriend? Would he feel the same? What if he doesn't feel the same? Am I crazy? Will this work? What about my boyfriend?" And on and on. I went to work and told my girls and they were shockingly.........elated. They said they had always wanted us to be together but since I said I wasn't physically attracted to him they let it slide. Crazy friends for a crazy girl!! They helped me come up with a game plan that involved me telling him face to face. He doesn't live locally so I drove up to meet him for lunch. The entire lunch is really a blur. It was sushi, that I remember but between all the small talk and me trying to get up the courage to tell him and wanting to back out but knowing I had to go back home and face these two chicks I call my best friends, I was pretty scatterbrained. So after he paid the check I had to get the lump out of my throat and spit it out. I said something like "What I'm about to say to you has nothing to do with anything we've discussed over lunch and I know I waited until the last minute of lunch to talk to you about this but, would you ever consider dating me?" His reaction.......... "WHAT?" Then everything in my brain just got discombobulated !!! We talked as he walked me to my truck (because I mean....I did wait until the last minute and he had to get back to work). He told me that he has had feelings for me as well but that we would need to discuss it further after he processed everything. I was relieved because I mean honestly, who wants rejection? On the drive home I was a little excited but then I thought "NO....you cannot enter into a relationship when you are already in one FOOL." So I had some things to figure out. I'll save that for a later blog. I thought several times about not posting this. First because it was kind of embarrassing and second, because as much as I share of myself, the other people in my life shouldn't have to be subjected to having their lives shared if they don't want to. But I'm posting it anyway because as embarrassing as it is to share, I'm sure I'm not the first or last person to have this experience. I will leave out people's names however to protect the innocent. ;) Feel free to share your thoughts. #spreadlove

Making mistakes

I used to be a person that hated to make mistakes. I felt like if I made one it was a way of people finding out I had flaws. And at some point in our lives we all have a fantasy of being perfect. I don't think it was until I reached 40 that I realized that that "fantasy" was just that.....a fantasy. I learned that making mistakes is not only inevitable but it's also absolutely fabulous! Why? Because making mistakes is a learning opportunity. When I was in barber school my instructor would say to us all the time...."Now is the time to make your mistakes while I'm here to help you." I think this should actually be a life motto. With a strong belief in God, I know it's ok to make mistakes and he is here to help. It's definitely ok to strive for perfection as a goal but I think true growth is knowing that you possibly may not reach it and that's ok. Once I began to acknowledge that and live my life accordingly things have opened up in so many ways. It's allowed me to become more secure in my insecurities and its allowed me to be ok with the fact that there are things I'm just not good at. So the next time you make a mistake don't beat yourself up about it. Instead ask yourself...."what can I learn from this mistake?"

I'm a woman now

The other day I went to see my OB/Gyn. A common visit for women however this visit wasn't so common. I've been diagnosed with uterine fibroid tumors. (1 in 5 women have them and the cause is unknown. They are more common in black women) After my exam the Dr told me that my uterus is the size of a woman's 26 weeks pregnant and because of the size of the fibroids, if I want to stop the pain and heavy bleeding, a hysterectomy is my best option. He did give me other options but with me being 41 he offered in his professional opinion the best option and I respect that. I meet women on a daily basis that have had fibroid tumor surgery (there are several options when they aren't as large as mine) as well as women that have had full and partial hysterectomies and I've noticed it's kind of taboo. Most women talk about it in a whisper. Well, I'm not. I'm yelling about it. We need to talk about this topic. Let me start by saying that I don't have children and have no desire to have them (which some people can't fathom; totally different blog....lol) so a hysterectomy isn't devastating news for me but I could imagine for some women it could be. When I got the news, I sat in the parking lot and cried but I'm not quite sure why. Maybe because I felt bad about not giving my mom grand kids, maybe because my choice to have kids was no longer my choice, maybe because the thought of being incapacitated for weeks is crazy to me or maybe because the thought of surgery petrifies me. Either way, those tears didn't last long. I see this as a sort of freedom now. I've suffered from painful periods since I was 15. To have that pain gone will be a wonderful thing. No more planning vacations around "that time of the month" and I'll have a flatter stomach? Win/win for me. I definitely don't want to make light of the situation because I know this can be a horrible thing for most women but I have to come to terms with this the best way I know how and this is my solution. I also battled with natural alternatives and honestly, if I knew some of those alternatives years ago, I don't think I would have this issue now. The bottom line is that this is going to be a life changing event and as scared as I am, I'm also excited about it. Experienced a similar situation? I'd love to hear about it. Sharing is caring. :)

I can't sleep....

I'm not gonna lie....sometimes I go back and read my blogs and think "who in the heck wrote this?" Mostly because I only write when the spirit speaks to me and most times I'm surprised by what it says. Spirit moves me into an almost out of body like experience and it's always a good time. (In my John W. Love voice) Anyone that's ever experienced this knows exactly what I mean and for those that never have, there's hope for you. In order to hear God's voice/spirit/the universe....whatever you choose to call it, you have to first clear the clutter. Whether it's physical clutter (unclean surroundings, the tv, the radio, video games, etc.) or mental clutter (the million and one thoughts running through your mind) you have to do some cleaning to prepare. It's like a woman nesting before the birth of a child. You have to get things ready. And by allowing some clarity in your mind, it allows space for the spirit to speak to you. This can be done through prayer, meditation or just pure silence. Once you can connect with your inner self without interruption, you create ultimate opportunities for God to speak to you. God normally speaks to me consistently at 2 times. 1. Normally between the hours of 3 a.m. to 5 a.m. (and my physical self doesn't really like that...lol) or 2. While I'm in the shower. So whenever I wake up around 3 a.m., I get very still...I listen or pray and normally I'll get a blog (it's currently 3:20 a.m. as I'm writing this) or I'll get a great idea related to business. Normally if God speaks to me in the shower it's concerning someone I need to reach out to or simply pray for. And I do...with due diligence because I know someone is always praying for me. I love taking showers for that very reason. It allows me to really clear my mind and connect with God. When I have issues, I'll take a shower with no time limits. I don't even mind having a high water bill; it's well worth  every penny to have that connection. So the next time you're awake at some ungodly hour and you can't figure out why....maybe it's because it's not so ungodly after all. Maybe if you're still enough, you can hear his voice and he will reveal his plan for you. #spreadlove